Ok, it's no secret, I am let's just say... older. I have two grown kids, a grandson, and past careers spanning purchasing for a department store, owning a catering business, running a home daycare, teaching and directing a preschool, founding a non-profit organization, and now working in international development. But I am just the same as everyone else. I have the same fears, worries, and now another new "feeling". This sounded crazy to me in the past when an adult said to me, my parents have passed and now I am an orphan." I would be, in my mind, really it is not the same as it is for a child. And it isn't, but there is definitely a different something there.
It is just not the same kind of thing as when my grandparents or brother passed or even when mom passed 6 years ago..
I always knew no matter his thoughts or condition, if I needed or wanted to I could call my dad and he would listen and either nod his approval or look me in the eye and show his emotion, his thought... Those looks ranged from - "what are you crazy?" to "oh no, I don't want that for you" to " I want something else for you" - he really at this age (thankfully I am sure) didn't have to say much... but those looks always gave me pause and made me think it through just a little bit more. So, ah, yes, this is different.
Don't get me wrong it wasn't like I was running to him for his thoughts and go ahead all the time. It was just that he was always interested to listen and the best thing of all was when he got that "pleased as punch" look on his face. That was really good.
So I am navigating a little differently now. I am thinking more and also of course, thinking "what look would dad give me right now"....?
Listen people, no matter your age, when it comes to your parents you will always be their little boy or girl. That is just a fact. But of course, if we choose to, and I did with my dad, we can also have an amazing friendship with our parent.
That is what I want/try/hope I accomplish everyday with my kids - it is a tension, a balance, cause they have their own lives and minds and plans. And they should, they better, that is healthy. So I balance the best I can and just love them for who they are, encouraging them and not being afraid to quietly reveal a little bit on my face... or NOT. Cause that is just as important if not more so sometimes. I mean seriously, who I am to judge? And all in all that is the one HUGE thing I learned from my dad. He just didn't judge me, he just never seemed to be jealous, or hateful, he just had this amazing thing that happened in his heart and mind in the late 60's - His capacity to love was altered for the good. And that helped him to look and shrug off what he needed to.That is what I am seeking, cause though he was often misunderstood, and made many mistakes, and was even considered by some fools foolish, he wasn't. He knew how to love unconditionally.
What do you look to do, to be to share with your family or friends? Thoughts?
2 comments:
Good thoughts :-). I like them. This post reminds me of a thing we did last weekend (at a retreat) where we had to write out what we wanted specific people to say about us at our funerals. It was just for us...to work over and ponder. Then we had to work backwards from those words and look at our lives and decide what needed to change in the way we operate with others to make those things a reality. Good stuff... :-)
Mary - that is interesting I think I did that on another retreat with you gals years ago.
Life is interesting and worth working on. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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