Something Similar*

I was having dinner with friends recently - one of those spontaneous, "Do you want to stay for supper... and share our leftovers?", dinners.... Love those kind of invites (and they were really good leftovers too).


Like all spontaneous times it turned into one filled with rollicking conversation, which in turn got me mulling - 


 - Friend, that shall remain unnamed, had an idea for a blog.... You Are Not Your Checkbook ..... or Something Similar. 
*Hence the title of this post. 


Friend's point being, "There are a lot of people living in America right now that are very challenged by their situations and are in places they never thought they would be." (sort of an actual quote)


Friend was relating how so many have taken huge blows to their financial situations through the 2008 economic crisis, oh and 2009, and 2010, and wait a minute, good golly no wonder people are a little freaked, the 2011 economic crisis; that makes it the economic crisis that never stops or something. Right?


2008-2011 results: lost savings, closed businesses, revealed lack of 'some' people's business integrity, loss of jobs/ahem - hand up on that last one.


My friends surprised me that evening, I really don't remember that I was worried or concerned or voicing  "what I will do next" but they were so very supportive... brainstorming ways for me to make money without really working or some such silliness... Oh that there were a way! Wait, is there a way? If you know, tell me quick! 


Friend said, "You should blog on this topic I brought up and it should have a spiritual side to it because a lot of  people are despairing over their checkbooks, over their lives." 


So this  little mass of words is that attempt. And this post is dedicated to you, Friend.


Maybe I should be worried, but I am not. The facts, as I see them, are that this is not the end. 
And if it is not the end then we have, can choose, hope - 
Most probably most of us have a tomorrow. (I mean no horror there but the bottom line is we don't know when we will draw our last earthly bodily breath.) 
    - And if we don't have an earthly tomorrow 
                 - then we can know what is Next and embrace it 
                          - and breathe deeply and lift our hands in praise.


So in this little mass of words, in this my next earthly chapter; this is what I have come up with so far ~~~

I cannot tell you what to do. 

But I can tell myself what to do. 

And share it with you. 

Note to Self in Midst of New Chapter in Life; do These Things
1. Turn on music often.
2. Breathe deeply often.
3. Search your heart diligently and discover what your real desires and hopes are. Often.
4. Think about what it would mean to realize those desires and hopes. Get a plan.
5. Enjoy this period of time, it is a gift. Discover.
6. Search diligently and repeatedly, meditate, pray and seek. Activate plan.
7. Smile at people you don't know. All the time.
8. Cook for your friends. They will love it and so will you.
9. Apply for positions with regularity. Don't despair.
10. Notice Stuff. All the time.


 And now for your viewing pleasure (and mine again)...  


One of my moments practicing  - Number 10. Notice Stuff -


     Setting the Scene -
I was writing this post, suddenly, really it was suddenly, I looked up and immediately leaped (I wanted to write leapt, but spell check didn't like it so I succumbed to leaped) out of my desk chair (stop it, I know you are laughing as you picture that), grabbed the camera, ran outside, ripped off the lens cap and.... I just had to. Here is why.... 

All tonight, in that order, night sky coming on. Breathed deeply, yes I did. 


And then this happened ~~~~

And this is what I thought just then, "Sun going down to greet someone on the other side of the world."

To greet someone on the other side of the world. 

Someone who is struggling with who knows what.

And that thought, dear reader gave me my numbers 11 and 12.


11. Remember, don't forget, remind yourself, we are all in this together. 
12. Push back, get outside your own despairing head, it is a dangerous place to dwell, live your life today, it is your today.


Thanks Friend and Friend's spouse - you rock. And next time, I will make the salad.

Don't Be

The latest reminders in my life include:

• Don't be surprised.
• Truth is.
• There are no coincidences. 
• Carelessness with the hearts of people = bad.

• So here we go..... Don't be surprised... 

So a new curve in my journey has arrived. I join the ranks of those "laid off due to lack of funds." Never been here before, still adjusting to the idea let alone the reality.
But I can tell you this... I am not alone. Thank you very much. 
I don't mean there are scores of others riding the same curve (though there are). I mean... oh goodness, now I have to tell you a true story and it starts when I was almost nine years old... but quickly jumps to today. - In other words I won't be long-winded because I'm respectful of your time.


When I was eight I had a tough year, I was questioning a lot and didn't have a very creative teacher. But what we did have in class was a science book, that had excellent pictures of... bugs. We lived out in the country in a little town in Ohio.... Hinckley - Home of the Buzzards - that come back every March 15th - Yes really and  there was a parade and a pancake breakfast and a buzzard in a cage... a circus red cage.    I am, er ah -  happy to report, the buzzards still come back and the township has in that great American way expanded their celebration check this out: http://www.clemetparks.com/events/buzzards_sun.asp

But I digress, sorry. So third grade was over and summer was mine. I explored the hillside behind our house sometimes with siblings and sometimes alone. I loved to go into the huge wild grapevine "houses" with, warmed by the sun, just picked, blackberries and sit in the shade and think.. and eat berries. 

• Truth is.

One day  I was standing in the middle of the blackberry patch, covered in scratches from the thorns - because in the middle of the patch were the best and biggest berries you see.... when there just was a hush in the day. It was very sunny and there were birds chirping and all sorts of hillside noises but there was a very evident hush. I froze and there in front of me was a praying mantis. "Oh, it's like in my science book, I said out loud, "God you really did create this, this, praying mantis." 
I realized two things in that moment. One: I had questions as to whether or not what my science book purported as truth was. And Two: I had a holy God moment right then. I spoke out loud to him and I felt his presence. I stood watching that mantis in it's praying position for a long time and then quietly backed out of the berry patch... berry-less and went home, I was pensive and silent and realized I had just experienced some truth.


OK, big deal, a moment in your little girl life, whatever, how sweet. 

• There are no coincidences.

Little girl grows up, doesn't see a praying mantis in person ever since that day. So now, it is many decades later (never mind how many decades later, just a lot). 


It is my last day at work. You see, this isn't just the loss of a "job". It is the loss of a job I truly enjoyed with an organization with a mission I believe in.... it was a sad day. 


I have worked hard to finish well, because even though I was laid off I had determined that last almost month would be productive and positive - and now it is my last day and it is a big day. 


Alright, so I am flying around the house finishing up a few things and suddenly decide I should water the plants on the front porch. Please note: This is something I would NEVER do before going to work. 


I go to pick up the watering can and see something on the underside of the handle. Uh, yes a praying mantis. And in that moment, the day in the berry patch flashed back to me. And it hit me. It's not a sad day forever - It is today, but there is promise of tomorrow and I am not alone and that is Truth and there are no coincidences. 


The praying mantis stayed right there on the watering can for three days and everyday I would crouch down low and look at it and its multiple eyes would look at me and its antennae would wiggle and I would think, "It's going to dart, leave, vamoose.", but it didn't and I was glad. 

Now, last thoughts....
Carelessness with the hearts of people = bad.


Since that morning I have experienced so many people being careful with my heart. You've called and emailed and invited me places and given me hugs and coffee and dinner and good conversation and lovely glasses of wine.  Thank you. 
I didn't even realize it at first, not till Saturday morning, when I heard a song on the radio, a duet and the woman was singing a refrain ..... - "I think I see you being careless with my heart." But you weren't careless, and it really has helped.


I cannot get that phrase out of my mind, how many people have I been careless with, whose heart have I injured or bruised? 


How about you have you thought about that? 


I keep thinking of that line and I keep thinking of that simple moment when I encountered my first praying mantis and the last moment when I encountered the next praying mantis - and I don't know, I am just glad that Someone chose to be careful with my heart last Friday, that whole weekend, that Always. It inspires me - to be sure that no one can say I am being careless with their heart.  Its hard sometimes, but I think we can do it.


Really how about you, what do you think?

It's a New Feeling

Ok, it's no secret, I am let's just say... older. I have two grown kids, a grandson, and past careers spanning purchasing for a department store, owning a catering business, running a home daycare, teaching and directing a preschool, founding a non-profit organization, and now working in international development. But I am just the same as everyone else. I have the same fears, worries, and now another new "feeling". This sounded crazy to me in the past when an adult said to me, my parents have passed and now I am an orphan." I would be, in my mind, really it is not the same as it is for a child. And it isn't, but there is definitely a different something there.
It is just not the same kind of thing as when my grandparents or brother passed or even when mom passed 6 years ago..
I always knew no matter his thoughts or condition, if I needed or wanted to I could call my dad and he would listen and either nod his approval or look me in the eye and show his emotion, his thought... Those looks ranged from - "what are you crazy?" to "oh no, I don't want that for you" to " I want something else for you" - he really at this age (thankfully I am sure) didn't have to say much... but those looks always gave me pause and made me think it through just a little bit more. So, ah, yes, this is different.
Don't get me wrong it wasn't like I was running to him for his thoughts and go ahead all the time. It was just that he was always interested to listen and the best thing of all was when he got that "pleased as punch" look on his face. That was really good.
So I am navigating a little differently now. I am thinking more and also of course, thinking "what look would dad give me right now"....?
Listen people, no matter your age, when it comes to your parents you will always be their little boy or girl. That is just a fact. But of course, if we choose to, and I did with my dad, we can also have an amazing friendship with our parent.
That is what I want/try/hope I accomplish everyday with my kids - it is a tension, a balance, cause they have their own lives and minds and plans. And they should, they better, that is healthy. So I balance the best I can and just love them for who they are, encouraging them and not being afraid to quietly reveal a little bit on my face... or NOT. Cause that is just as important if not more so sometimes. I mean seriously, who I am to judge? And all in all that is the one HUGE thing I learned from my dad. He just didn't judge me, he just never seemed to be jealous, or hateful, he just had this amazing thing that happened in his heart and mind in the late 60's - His capacity to love was altered for the good. And that helped him to look and shrug off what he needed to.That is what I am seeking, cause though he was often misunderstood, and made many mistakes, and was even considered by some fools foolish, he wasn't. He knew how to love unconditionally.
What do you look to do, to be to share with your family or friends? Thoughts?