Word-I-Ness

Word-i-Ness/Read Mine. Share Yours.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

It just is.

It was a simple drive home but it ended up striking me in the heart - deeply, and now 2 days later I am compelled to share my feelings and thoughts... I didn't want to write this I tried not to, we are all weary of our world today - it's anger, pain, fear and injustice. .. but I must. 

   Wednesday afternoon:  Leaving a client's in an upscale part of my beloved city, I notice the air had significantly chilled over the last few hours. At the last minute I decide to take a different route home, (I'm the daughter of a man that loved to take a different route to "see what we'll find"...)

     As I drove down NW Everett St there were several young men on the sidewalk, laughing and shouting back and forth to each other, At first I thought they were meeting up, old friends glad to see each other, but then they stopped interacting, sat down on the sidewalk and grew silent. As I drew closer I could see their eyes were red, their beards scruffy and full, their clothes stained and torn. 
     My thoughts went to the men, women, boys and girls in my family and how much I love them all... grateful that none are on the street. 

     Then I began to wonder...
how did these young men end up on the street? 
what is their story? 
if I asked, when you were a child what did you dream about doing? can they remember? 
do they have any hope?

At a stop light, I see a young woman standing at the entrance of a makeshift, blue tarp lean-to. It's butted up to a chain link fence along the sidewalk and the tarp ripples from the cold breeze. She reaches her hand in and as she withdraws it I could see the tiny packet of drugs. Her back was to me... her hair beautiful; long and dark and curly. Her stance and movements made me think, she's just a young woman

     My heart paled as I thought , 
where is her family?
why has she left them?
has she left them or are they out here too?
how did she get here?                                          


I flipped on the radio, I suppose as a way to divert my wondering about the people I saw.  My mind was racing... I needed a distraction, a Thanksgiving story.

They were telling a story, but not the kind I was looking for. - 
"More than 21,000 students in Oregon public schools are homeless — nearly 4 percent of the student population."  

     Again my heart paled as I thought...
does that include the babies? (No, this is just school age kids)
do they have warm clothes and blankets? 
do they have food... is it nutritious?
just where do they sleep? they can't get a warm bath.....
     My thoughts were spiraling. I decided to do an errand I had been putting off. (I'm really good at distracting myself... aren't we all?)

Recently someone asked me why I am the way I am. It made me feel angry.

     Meaning, 
why do I have concern for others that have less then I do and 
why do I care about their plight?

     Why? 
I don't know, its just my heart, I care. 

Musing with a friend, he said... Lisa, this is you, it's just you. It's how God made you.
     So, that is what I will embrace, it is just me. 

So this is my plan.
     I'll continue to look for ways to help others and whisper a prayer for them as I drive along or help at the food pantry. I'll smile from my heart with my eyes and give people dignity, that which we all deserve.     




- Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Wherever you live I hope you can find many things to be thankful for.











                   Norman Rockwell/Artist
Photo Credit/Oregon Public Radio/NPR station

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Time was the Factor….

Rather horrifying to see that I posted only once in 2015 - Love to write and time hasn't been my friend. But now there are changes afoot and time is being held out to me, on a giant platter. Let's see what we can accomplish.

I'm told I am such a young ** year old and I think so too but this past Thanksgiving I experienced an accident with a "sneaker wave" that admittedly through me for a loop, and literally to the ground. Those of us that experienced that situation and those that love us and found out after the fact are all glad we survived. The injury to my body was localized and painful and slowed me down considerably for a bit of time - happy am I so many months later to have regained my energy and the ability to experience almost total recovery. Thank you. I look forward to the recovery being tweaked it's last little bit. Hurrah for healing and rejuvenation. 

Now the newest is that I am seeking my next chapter in the work world. Seeking now a gentler work-scape with the joy of meeting new people and sharing laughter throughout the day. I've spent a lot of my adult life working very long hours and it's time for that to change. How? What will that be? That is the question. For now, I'm taking a deep breath and doing some thinking and research and decisions will come...it will be interesting and fun to see where I land and how the door opens. 


For now I am happy that I am living in the city I want to be in and being able to influence a certain little man with love and attention.I'm meeting new people reconnecting with friends from long ago and not so long ago. I know my city a bit better, I have two favorite coffee shops, enjoy water aerobics and picking up a cooking workshop when I find one... who knows what else is around the corner -  Oh and a satisfying, albeit tiny, little thing... It's nice to  not have to use the GPS to get any and everywhere. ;)

And those coffee shops... Fillmore and Fleur de Lis
http://fillmorepdx.com/
and
http://fleurdelisbakery.com/


Here's a shot from another favorite spot, Forest Park.... hiking in the city. Perfect.




 

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Decade by Decade - the first, in perhaps, a series

Suddenly I am  reflective about my past…..

I was laying there a little baby girl…. and simply blinked and turned around  six times and looked again… Shockingly I am a sixty-four year old woman.

Some of the blinks were long and slow in my mind’s eye, but most, yes, most were really, really fast. Speedy fast – seemingly too fast. But you and I both know that every minute is 60 seconds and every hour is 60 minutes so the speed of it all is just an illusion.

Each decade up to the age of sixty, has been momentous in its own right. And this current one is proving to be the same. But this post is going to focus not on this decade, but on the first…. The first you say… what could that matter?

 Let me tell you.

The first few days of my life started with lots of blood and included the struggle of almost drowning in childbirth - hanging on the edge for a few days - as was my mom.

The nurse told her. "You and your baby are going to die."

She said, "No, we aren't." 

So we didn't, we lived.

There was the usual infant development (with no residual challenges of any kind from the harrowing birth) and by the age of three years, nine months I was big sister to a brother and a set of fraternal twins - one boy and one girl. Mom was in a physical struggle with her health from all this and I quickly became the busy helper. Dad was hard-working and he often talked to me about life and people and the importance of being kind - they both loved their kids and each other.

Tick ~ tock ~ tick. ///// Five years passed.

Starting kindergarten at just a few days five was, in a word, difficult.

I was very shy, very gullible and very naive. In addition to the littles my world was surrounded by a lot of adults and a few neighborhood kids, all many years older than I was.

My shyness at school (and all the way through high school) was translated by others as being stuck-up - in reality I was terrified of pretty much everyone.

When I was almost six we left the big city and moved out to the country... It was lovely and green and I was still very quiet and shy - now flash forward  about three years -

It was the summer of my ninth year when the sudden and crystal clear reality of God's existence - the Creator - the Ever Watchful One -- showed in a simple but personally profound way.

Before that tale is told though I have to return to the first moment when I discovered He existed. I was four years old and ... 

Oh wait, first -

Imagine this - 

Being a mom with four kids in less than four years all delivered via three harrowing cesarean sections – Yep that was my mom. 

Keep that in mind please when you read on…. 

Cause your first thoughts might be judgment towards her.
No judgement allowed. My mom had to be utterly exhausted.

Somehow, in the midst of attending to the littles, someone managed to drop me off at Sunday School. I don't know the name of the church, except it was in the big city. I cannot remember or picture anything relating to any of the other children or what we did in class. I can see in my mind’s eye the big, hospital green walls of the classroom, the right-sized chairs, the teacher's counter that included a sink, and big "old building type" windows. I cannot see her face but I sense the teacher was older, grandmotherly. I remember going there only this once, which translates to not really knowing her at all.

This happened.

Suddenly the room was empty, except for me and the teacher.

Mom was late - very late. Another woman came in and strangely enough, (oh the things we remember) 
I remember her frowning and a mention of  “my roast is in the oven” but she said she would "make the call" and left.

We waited and I remember sensing the teacher was concerned but calm. She sat down in one of the little chairs across from me. She knew I was scared... very scared. I mean, really, think about it, she was in reality a stranger. Fortunately she did the best thing ever. The thing I needed (though I didn't know it) - she began to read out loud Psalm 23,   The Lord is my Shepherd…, etc.

We were there together long enough that she began to help me memorize it. As she read it and I whisper recited after her I remember still being tense but the scary feelings were dwindling.

After a long while, my mom rushed, really rushed into the room, frantic and apologetic and embarrassed. She'd simply lost track of time, I remember her mentioning feeding the twins - having the three littles at home...., etc. The teacher was gracious and we went on our way. As we left, though I didn't realize it then... I left with my mom and a treasure in my heart that remains to this day. That day a part of me received a portion of my foundation, verses of Truth hidden deep in my heart.

So here let me pause and give my thanks to the faceless, nameless woman that stopped and did the only thing she knew to do – the thing that would reach the scared, shy little girl (that was a stranger to her too) in the most kind and eternal way possible. No, I never saw her again... but I will someday.

Now back to the summer of my ninth year. We had, in science class that past school year, learned about the unusual, strange looking, praying mantis - a full color photo was in our science book. I didn't realize it at the time but I had logged that photo deep in my skeptical brain. 

So it’s summer, lovely carefree summer, and I was up in the brambles looking for berries - strangely it was a moment in time where I was alone, with no littles around me.

Anyway.

I can even now pull up the feelings and sounds and sights; the warmth of the sun on my back, the chirping birds, the crystal blue sky, all the bramble branches and trees touched by a bit of a breeze. For every berry I picked I ate two… or three. I realized I had to go deeper into the wild brambles where I could see not only plump berries, but lots of them, very important because I had claimed I was going to pick enough berries for a pie. ;)

I crouched and ducked, the thorns did not deter me – I parted the thicket with the intent of finding a passage into the depths but suddenly, there, just in front of me at eye level it sat – praying pose perfect.

I remember gasping but having the presence of mind to do so quietly. I remember being in absolute and utter shock that a praying mantis actually existed and that I had discovered one. 

I remember whispering, “It exists.” 

Then I remember staring at it hard for a long while and for the first time ever, from deep in my heart speaking out loud to God. I said, “You really did make this God– it exists and I didn't really believe it did…. somehow now I know You exist too.” 

I sat in silence and watched it.... It stayed there longer than I did. As I watched it a peace flooded me like I had not experienced ever and even though I had always walked alone in my shyness I suddenly realized I never was really alone. God knew this heart was skeptical…. I wouldn't even believe a photo in a science book!

These two experiences were the combination that opened the door of my heart and mind to discovery and  ignited a quest to know about eternity.

Here’s a nugget for you to read below…..

Psalm 65: 1-13 – The Message -

Silence is praise to you,
    Zion-dwelling God,
And also obedience.
    You hear the prayer in it all.
 We all arrive at your doorstep sooner
    or later, loaded with guilt,
Our sins too much for us—
    but you get rid of them once and for all.
Blessed are the chosen! Blessed the guest
    at home in your place!
We expect our fill of good things
    in your house, your heavenly manse.
All your salvation wonders
    are on display in your trophy room.
Earth-Tamer, Ocean-Pourer,
    Mountain-Maker, Hill-Dresser,
Muzzler of sea storm and wave crash,
    of mobs in noisy riot—
Far and wide they’ll come to a stop,
    they’ll stare in awe, in wonder.
Dawn and dusk take turns
    calling, “Come and worship.”
 Oh, visit the earth,
    ask her to join the dance!
Deck her out in spring showers,
    fill the God-River with living water.
Paint the wheat fields golden.
    Creation was made for this!
Drench the plowed fields,
    soak the dirt clods
With rainfall as harrow and rake
    bring her to blossom and fruit.
Snow-crown the peaks with splendor,
    scatter rose petals down your paths,
All through the wild meadows, rose petals.
    Set the hills to dancing,
Dress the canyon walls with live sheep,
    a drape of flax across the valleys.
Let them shout, and shout, and shout!
    Oh, oh, let them sing!



Saturday, December 27, 2014

It's Been Way Too Long...

Way too long....When did I realize that? 

When I couldn't remember the last time I blogged. Tsk, tsk to me... but life has been trippy. 

(trippy? - I know that pegs me as an old hippie - and I guess I am... days gone by and all that.)

My little old heart is kind of welling up today....with gratitude.  I have watched/experienced lots of life unfolding in the last two plus years or so...

Moved to the mountains, got hired, met lots of interesting people there in the mountains, worked hard to bring health to the org, realized the mountains are beautiful but not for me full time, wondered if it could be possible for me to move to Portland, OR, started praying and praying and searching for possibilities, visited Portland, and said out loud... "I don't need a lot of different job interviews, just one.... I just need THE one, got called for an interview, got called again and again and then received an offer, accepted it. 

Yes as you probably know if you know me personally... That all happened, it took about 2 years and 4 months.... including the move. 
That's kind of a lot of life in a short time.

And say what you like about it being due to my perseverance or whatever... but the bottom line is it wasn't me that opened the doors. It's the One I love and the One that created me.

Now I love my new job... work with a great team. I am looking for this one last thing to happen, well not the last really, but the next thing. Looking for my home.... one last transition.

I'll keep you posted.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

It's Been a While and I Still Love Chocolate

It's true, its been awhile since I've posted. Busy job hunting, gardening, enjoying time with friends, and reflecting, (*lots of reflecting) on what my next steps (big picture) should... could... will be.
In the midst of all of that reflecting I have also been doing quite a bit of experimenting with recipes. I have always been known to try new ones and make up many of my own. And my daughter's recent decision to go paleo exposed me to a whole different perspective (thanks Meggie). That, coupled with the discovery of my sensitivity to gluten ... so that is why my skin was so itchy!... and my determination to cut out cane sugar set my curious mind onto new quests in culinary experiences.
Surely dear reader, you can understand the dilemma  - because I still love chocolate -  I wanted needed to find a recipe I could call dessert and still be able to scream "Yes, I am meeting  my goals"  and had a comfort food sort of texture.. You know, that texture reminiscent of childhood, which fortunately included creamy things like... Junket, Instant Pudding, Bosco & Milk, Jello, and yes, even cream sauce made with Velveeta. And then don't forget 
             Grandma's Homemade Light as Air Three (or Four) Layer Frosted Cakes and Pies (read flaky crusts) and Mom's to Die for Buttery Sugary Cookies.


Finally I found a recipe I thought worthy of trying  - But I was very, very, very, very skeptical.
                 Why was I skeptical? - Ask anyone that attended my wedding and tasted 
                                                ~  My Carob Avocado Wedding Cake ~
               (homemade by me, the crazy bride-to- be, who had no money & could do it all anyway)


Wedding Cake.. you know, the one reason people stick around after the meal. Mine? Um, it was unfortunately a dismal palate failure. 
                  Hated, like spit it out on the plate, hated by ALL the guests and 
                    loved by one lonely park ranger. 
Yes, I left my reception with him happily munching on the whole cake. I was so shocked when I took that bite from my then husband, I mean it was so fragrant when I baked it. So... I didn't bother to run a taste test. Just call me foolish and embarrassed
I google-d high and low to find you that recipe... but for some (gee I wonder why) reason I couldn't find the exact one.... You're welcome.


Setting skepticism aside I forged ahead and commenced my search.  I saw a version first on Pinterest. Yes, I admit to spending a bit of time there. I followed the link but it wasn't quite what I wanted so I set to searching and found over at "Edible Perspective" a recipe whose photos said, "Amazing"
Though very skeptical, yet wishing so deeply for dessert, I went shopping for said required fruits.


Here is Edible Perspective's original recipe.


And now my friends here is the amazing .... smooth, velvety, chocolaty, healthy, low calorie, dairy free, cane sugar free, full of surprising fruit, tastefully reminiscent of childhood recipe story.
As I blended and tasted I tweaked the recipe just a bit.  But still I must admit that as I scooped it into the little bowls I was VERY SKEPTICAL. 
Why, you ask? Because frankly, it tasted AWFUL. ... not quite spit it out awful but pretty awful. Whispering in the recesses of my mind I heard my grandma and my mom saying, "the flavors have to marry and meld, just let it be in the refrigerator." 


So I did. 
And oh my goodness they were so right!  
Now picture it.... I was alone, late at night, when I tasted the married version. 


The outcome?.... Note the caption on my  photo - (*I apologize for the lack of focus, I just got off the phone with Canon and I am sending my camera into them again on Monday)
 

As I scraped my last spoonful up, I said right out loud....
"Oh my gosh, this is seriously good (and giggled)!"
 I even served it to a guest the next day and she promptly licked her spoon clean!


My version of the original recipe:

Chocolate Avocado Banana Pudding (serves 6) only about 135 calories each

  • 2 avocados, ripe
  • 2 medium bananas, ripe
  • 6-8T unsweetened cocoa powder - I used 8
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • ½ teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 Tablespoon Blue Agave
  • About 1/3 cup coconut milk (light)
  • Juice of about ½ fresh orange – watch your consistency, just enough to add a secret flavor
  1. In a food processor or blender, combine the avocado + banana + vanilla and process until smooth.  Scrape down the sides of bowl as necessary.
  2. Add the cocoa powder and cinnamon and begin to dribble in the coconut milk to help keep the mixture moving and blending.  Process until smooth.  Add the orange juice squeezing lightly on the orange to let it drip into the blending mixture. Spoon into serving dishes or pile into an almond pie crust.
  3. Refrigerate until ready to serve and add any topping you like.
  4. Cover and eat within 2-3 days.

What do you think? Will you try it? Do you have a version of your own? Comment away please!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Something Similar*

I was having dinner with friends recently - one of those spontaneous, "Do you want to stay for supper... and share our leftovers?", dinners.... Love those kind of invites (and they were really good leftovers too).


Like all spontaneous times it turned into one filled with rollicking conversation, which in turn got me mulling - 


 - Friend, that shall remain unnamed, had an idea for a blog.... You Are Not Your Checkbook ..... or Something Similar. 
*Hence the title of this post. 


Friend's point being, "There are a lot of people living in America right now that are very challenged by their situations and are in places they never thought they would be." (sort of an actual quote)


Friend was relating how so many have taken huge blows to their financial situations through the 2008 economic crisis, oh and 2009, and 2010, and wait a minute, good golly no wonder people are a little freaked, the 2011 economic crisis; that makes it the economic crisis that never stops or something. Right?


2008-2011 results: lost savings, closed businesses, revealed lack of 'some' people's business integrity, loss of jobs/ahem - hand up on that last one.


My friends surprised me that evening, I really don't remember that I was worried or concerned or voicing  "what I will do next" but they were so very supportive... brainstorming ways for me to make money without really working or some such silliness... Oh that there were a way! Wait, is there a way? If you know, tell me quick! 


Friend said, "You should blog on this topic I brought up and it should have a spiritual side to it because a lot of  people are despairing over their checkbooks, over their lives." 


So this  little mass of words is that attempt. And this post is dedicated to you, Friend.


Maybe I should be worried, but I am not. The facts, as I see them, are that this is not the end. 
And if it is not the end then we have, can choose, hope - 
Most probably most of us have a tomorrow. (I mean no horror there but the bottom line is we don't know when we will draw our last earthly bodily breath.) 
    - And if we don't have an earthly tomorrow 
                 - then we can know what is Next and embrace it 
                          - and breathe deeply and lift our hands in praise.


So in this little mass of words, in this my next earthly chapter; this is what I have come up with so far ~~~


I cannot tell you what to do. 

But I can tell myself what to do. 

And share it with you. 


Note to Self in Midst of New Chapter in Life; do These Things
1. Turn on music often.
2. Breathe deeply often.
3. Search your heart diligently and discover what your real desires and hopes are. Often.
4. Think about what it would mean to realize those desires and hopes. Get a plan.
5. Enjoy this period of time, it is a gift. Discover.
6. Search diligently and repeatedly, meditate, pray and seek. Activate plan.
7. Smile at people you don't know. All the time.
8. Cook for your friends. They will love it and so will you.
9. Apply for positions with regularity. Don't despair.
10. Notice Stuff. All the time.


 And now for your viewing pleasure (and mine again)...  


One of my moments practicing  - Number 10. Notice Stuff -


     Setting the Scene -
I was writing this post, suddenly, really it was suddenly, I looked up and immediately leaped (I wanted to write leapt, but spell check didn't like it so I succumbed to leaped) out of my desk chair (stop it, I know you are laughing as you picture that), grabbed the camera, ran outside, ripped off the lens cap and.... I just had to. Here is why.... 







All tonight, in that order, night sky coming on. Breathed deeply, yes I did. 


And then this happened ~~~~



And this is what I thought just then, "Sun going down to greet someone on the other side of the world."
To greet someone on the other side of the world
Someone who is struggling with who knows what.


And that thought, dear reader gave me my numbers 11 and 12.


11. Remember, don't forget, remind yourself, we are all in this together. 
12. Push back, get outside your own despairing head, it is a dangerous place to dwell, live your life today, it is your today.


Thanks Friend and Friend's spouse - you rock. And next time, I will make the salad.



Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Don't Be

The latest reminders in my life include:
  • Don't be surprised.
  • Truth is.
  • There are no coincidences. 
  • Carelessness with the hearts of people = bad.


  • So here we go..... Don't be surprised... 

So a new curve in my journey has arrived. I join the ranks of those "laid off due to lack of funds." Never been here before, still adjusting to the idea let alone the reality.
But I can tell you this... I am not alone. Thank you very much. 
I don't mean there are scores of others riding the same curve (though there are). I mean... oh goodness, now I have to tell you a true story and it starts when I was almost nine years old... but quickly jumps to today. - In other words I won't be long-winded because I'm respectful of your time.


When I was eight I had a tough year, I was questioning a lot and didn't have a very creative teacher. But what we did have in class was a science book, that had excellent pictures of... bugs. We lived out in the country in a little town in Ohio.... Hinckley - Home of the Buzzards - that come back every March 15th - Yes really and  there was a parade and a pancake breakfast and a buzzard in a cage... a circus red cage.    I am, er ah -  happy to report, the buzzards still come back and the township has in that great American way expanded their celebration check this out: http://www.clemetparks.com/events/buzzards_sun.asp


But I digress, sorry. So third grade was over and summer was mine. I explored the hillside behind our house sometimes with siblings and sometimes alone. I loved to go into the huge wild grapevine "houses" with, warmed by the sun, just picked, blackberries and sit in the shade and think.. and eat berries. 

  • Truth is.

One day  I was standing in the middle of the blackberry patch, covered in scratches from the thorns - because in the middle of the patch were the best and biggest berries you see.... when there just was a hush in the day. It was very sunny and there were birds chirping and all sorts of hillside noises but there was a very evident hush. I froze and there in front of me was a praying mantis. "Oh, it's like in my science book, I said out loud, "God you really did create this, this, praying mantis." 
I realized two things in that moment. One: I had questions as to whether or not what my science book purported as truth was. And Two: I had a holy God moment right then. I spoke out loud to him and I felt his presence. I stood watching that mantis in it's praying position for a long time and then quietly backed out of the berry patch... berry-less and went home, I was pensive and silent and realized I had just experienced some truth.


OK, big deal, a moment in your little girl life, whatever, how sweet. 

  • There are no coincidences.

Little girl grows up, doesn't see a praying mantis in person ever since that day. So now, it is many decades later (never mind how many decades later, just a lot). 


It is my last day at work. You see, this isn't just the loss of a "job". It is the loss of a job I truly enjoyed with an organization with a mission I believe in.... it was a sad day. 


I have worked hard to finish well, because even though I was laid off I had determined that last almost month would be productive and positive - and now it is my last day and it is a big day. 


Alright, so I am flying around the house finishing up a few things and suddenly decide I should water the plants on the front porch. Please note: This is something I would NEVER do before going to work. 


I go to pick up the watering can and see something on the underside of the handle. Uh, yes a praying mantis. And in that moment, the day in the berry patch flashed back to me. And it hit me. It's not a sad day forever - It is today, but there is promise of tomorrow and I am not alone and that is Truth and there are no coincidences. 


The praying mantis stayed right there on the watering can for three days and everyday I would crouch down low and look at it and its multiple eyes would look at me and its antennae would wiggle and I would think, "It's going to dart, leave, vamoose.", but it didn't and I was glad. 




Now, last thoughts....
Carelessness with the hearts of people = bad.


Since that morning I have experienced so many people being careful with my heart. You've called and emailed and invited me places and given me hugs and coffee and dinner and good conversation and lovely glasses of wine.  Thank you. 
I didn't even realize it at first, not till Saturday morning, when I heard a song on the radio, a duet and the woman was singing a refrain ..... - "I think I see you being careless with my heart." But you weren't careless, and it really has helped.


I cannot get that phrase out of my mind, how many people have I been careless with, whose heart have I injured or bruised? 


How about you have you thought about that? 


I keep thinking of that line and I keep thinking of that simple moment when I encountered my first praying mantis and the last moment when I encountered the next praying mantis - and I don't know, I am just glad that Someone chose to be careful with my heart last Friday, that whole weekend, that Always. It inspires me - to be sure that no one can say I am being careless with their heart.  Its hard sometimes, but I think we can do it.


Really how about you, what do you think?